I’m having a baby!…The First Trimester Diaries!!!

THE FIRST TRIMESTER DIARIES!!!!!!

So here we are, I can’t quite believe the secret is out. Its officially official. Little old me, is having a little one. I’m 22 weeks pregnant. It still honestly doesn’t feel real.

And I hope this explains to you, why I went missing for a little while (I mean three whole months oops) this summer. I’m so sorry… I can’t lie, it was a pretty scary time and I buried myself away from the world during my first trimester. 

But now I’ve crossed the half way point it is all beginning to feel a lot more real and I am bursting with happiness and excitement so really felt like it was the perfect time to share my news with my lovely online family.

It’s a strange one, I absolutely adore writing and telling you all about my fun adventures, so why has it taken me so long to tell you my news and upload this?  

I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of times I have started writing this blog for you all, and then felt overwhelmed with panic and fear about this going online so just hit the exit button.

Despite me sharing lots with you over the last year, it has all been fun and light hearted posts on my shenanigans around London town and travels. Ive not actually shared anything personal, so writing this is a huge deal for me and I’m actually ridiculously nervous to hit upload.

I’m also very aware that writing about motherhood and having a baby is an extremely sensitive subject and the last thing I would want to do is upset someone going through a hard time trying to fall or look at all like I’m ‘showing off’ about having a baby. I know I’m probably looking into this way too hard, but I just want you all to know that I’m not about to throw this in anyones face. I simply want to tell you about my journey and the symptoms that I experienced in my first trimester. When I was in the early stages I would spend hours and hours reading other peoples blog posts on their experiences and it truly helped me so much. So if I can help one person reading this feel better about a symptom they are having or a worry they are feeling then my job is done.

Trust me girlies I am absolutely WINGING this and have no idea what I am doing on a daily basis. Its an absolutely wild adventure, and its not always been pretty! (More on this later…)

The last five months have been some of the most crazy, emotional, scary and special months of my life, and this whole journey has been so ridiculously over whelming.

So here goes, my life is about to change very soon, and I really want you lot to be a big part of this journey.

I think we better start right back at the beginning….we have a LOT to catch up on…

SO here I am, five months pregnant and feeling like an an absolute oversized lump of a  jacket potato. The pic above actually makes me giggle because it is a RAREITY that I look like this anymore. If I’m being honest the last five months have found me wearing hardly any makeup, hair constantly up in a greasy bun, trackies on, bra off, not a care in the world about my looks. I have felt like total poo and have had so many days where my confidence is zero to none. But I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.

So this my friends is why I have longggged out my Dubai pics on insta. It’s all starting to make sense now isn’t it?…. I mean a shot of me slobbed out on the couch with my acne face is hardly going to go down a treat on the gram is it? The pressure to look ‘glam’ on there is all too much for me right now I can’t lie!

My due date is March 16th, eek! Not too far away is it… it’s going so quickly now…and the baby might arrive on our third wedding anniversary which could just be so special! (By the way we are not finding out the sex, I absolutely love the idea of a surprise on the day).

DEALING WITH A PHOBIA OF HOSPITALS

So…. is now a good time to tell you that I have a RIDICULOUS fear of hospitals, blood, doctors, needles.

You name it, I’m terrified.

I’m talking, passing out every time I set foot in a hospital or at the sight of blood since the age of 11. Ive even once collapsed in a heap on the floor with no knickers on, after a MALE, doctor had to do a test ‘down there’ on me once. Oh and i’ve had many a horrific panic attack (again with no knickers on, for gods sake Sammy your gonna get a reputation) on the  doctors chair having to sit with my head inbetween my legs after a routine smear test. Even talking about procedures or anything hospital related can make me feel dizzy, faint and panicky. What fun!

Oh it really is a laugh a minute when it comes to me and hospitals. My mum said I’m so embarrassing she fears going near me in that environment. Thanks for the support hun!

I have had this fear for around 20 years and if I’m being totally totally honest, I have constantly panicked about having to deal with the hospital world if I ever got pregnant and built so much fear up in my head about what it might be like.

And labour, I mean, shall we just pretend that bits not happening for a while? Ignorance is bliss.

So for anyone that is going through the same fears and anxieties as me, please, please know that you are not alone. I am the most EXTRA person in the world and you can always talk to me. We are going through this together. One day at a time.

SO WHAT TESTS DO YOU NEED IN THE FIRST TRIMESTER?

Because I never researched anything hospital related before falling pregant, and never getting involved with friends chats about their experiences, with the fear I would get anxious and panicky I totally walked into this world blind. Which- SPOILER ALERT- I wouldn’t recommend. So I thought I would just quickly tell you about the tests you will need to get when you first fall pregnant.

Of course, every single pregnancy is different, and no woman ever goes through the same thing in the first trimester.

But usually for girlies who fall pregnant you would be offered routine blood tests around week 8-10 at your booking appointment. This is where you will meet a midwife for the first time and go through everything health related, and your family background. I had a few blood tests that day to check my blood type, screen for HIV, syphilis and Hepatitis B, and the rhesus factor.

Your next set of blood tests would then be at your 12 week dating scan, where the NHS offer you a nuchal screening blood test to check for chromosomal abnormalities.

That would have been just about bearable for silly old me to deal with but in typical fashion, the girl who hates needles had to have more tests from the very beginning of me finding out. Going through this all with my huge phobia wasn’t a happy and fun time. I can honestly say its probably the most frightened i’ve ever felt in my life but thank goodness for my amazing hubby, who squeezed my hand, wiped away my constant flow of snot and tears and basically let me punch his face while I had to endure some really scary tests. He told such rubbish stories and jokes during each test that it actually distracted me, and so far, (its a bloody miracle), I have been yet to faint in a heap on the floor since being pregnant. This is probably a mixture of his help and the motherly instinct that I am carrying my baby now and have to protect them. In other words, I just need to man up. I really am trying so so so hard to be brave.

The reason I am telling you this isn’t to scare you, but to say if your first trimester ends up with you having to have more tests than the standard ‘low risk’ ones you would usually get, you will get through it because you are all amazing and strong. Trust me, if I can do it, I know you can do it too. They are honestly not as awful as you imagine and build up in your head. I still will always have my fear, but when I have to have a test now and I look back at how much I sobbed and cried so hard I couldn’t breathe at week three, compared to how I am now, I know I’m making progress and for that I am proud.

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THE DREADED FIRST TRIMESTER SYMPTONS

 *Shudder* …The dreaded first trimester symptons!!!! Ive seen enough films and read enough books before I even fell pregnant which conditioned me to believe that it was going to be HARD WORK to get through the three months. So I thought it would be fun to discuss the myths of the first trimester and whether or not that was a reality for me. (Of course every single pregnancy is different, and everyone has different symptons and reactions so this below is purely my experience only). But don’t worry guys, I promise you.. there is light at the end of the tunnel and not every day is awful. I had days where I felt myself and for moments forgot I was pregnant. But there were other days where I wanted to curl into a ball and hide away forever. Every day was different, but it was all part of the adventure.

So here goes…

Myth One: You are going to feel extremely tired.

Tired… TIRED… are you having a laugh? I didn’t feel tired, I felt EXHAUSTED. DRAINED OF ENERGY. LIKE I COULD SLEEP FOR 1000 YEARS AND NEVER WAKE UP.  Guys i’m not even being dramatic here, this was genuinely my hardest symptom to deal with. The Sammy Summers pre pregnancy (and after 10am) always had so much energy, which is essential in my field of work, and you would never catch me going to bed before midnight on a school night. Like ever. The pregnant first trimester Sammy Summers would fall asleep most evenings on the couch by half nine. Even if I wanted to stay up I physically couldn’t, my body simply wouldn’t let me. Even in the day time it would get to around 3/4pm in the afternoon at work and I would have to strain my eyes to keep them open. This was really hard to deal with in the summer because there was always something fun and special going on in the evenings and I was never up for doing anything. For once I didn’t have FOMO, I had absolute JOMO. (Joy of missing out).

Myth two: Your new home will be the toilet bowl.

So this was a huge fear of mine as I absolutely HATE being sick with a passion. I always feared that I would be throwing up constantly, as that is what the movies tell you. But actually I was very lucky and was only sick a few times. Don’t get me wrong.. I always had a CONSTANT sick feeling which wasn’t fun, but it was the type of sick feeling where your body feels totally empty, and your severely sick hungry, not that I was about to vom. I would deal with this by snacking  ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Honestly throughout July and August crisps/carbs/snack bars/fruit were PVA glued to my hands.

Now I did have one very very traumatic day, which still gives me nightmares when I think about it. But ill tell you the story anyway just so you can laugh at my expense.

*** Spoiler alert if you have a phobia of sick, skip to myth three now because this story is not pretty!*****

So once upon a time I was at work (on a busy studio day in boiling hot August yay fun) when I suddenly began to feel really really sick after lunch. It was a different sick feeling to usual, rather than feeling empty I suddenly felt like I had severe travel sickness. After an hour buildup of the feeling I then spent a good old hour in the work toilets being physically sick, and sobbing my heart out during the process. (Why am I so extra?) I then told work I had to leave as I felt so unwell and ran out the building without thinking any thing through. And without taking a plastic bag with me. BIG MISTAKE. I ran into my car and started to drive back. Ten mins into the drive I started to feel absolutely horrendous again, but by this point it was too late. I was on a dual carriage way, and that sick was coming out whether I liked it or not. I had to pull over at the side of the road with my hazards on while I chucked up like the exorcist into my lap on my pretty summery floral dress, sobbing. It was VILE. (By the way I can never ever wear that dress again- it haunts me). I then had to drive all the way back to my flat with said sick all over my lap/hair/car. It was at this point I realised I had to get out the car to type in the car park code to let me in. Are you crying for me yet? This is a full on horror movie isn’t it!!! I had to scoop up my dress to hold in the sick, and waddle over to the machine with my knickers on full show with so much mascara running down my face I physically couldn’t see. Once I parked up I then had no choice but to empty out my new asos bag, and pour the contents of my sick into the bag and then waddle upstairs, where I immedietly jumped into the shower and spent the next hour in there crying my eyes out from the horror show that had just taken place. The end. A day in the life of pregnant Sammy Summers is never dull.

Myth three: You will need the loo a lot.

Sorry to be dramatic but you can basically wave goodbye to those comfy warm long cosy nights in bed, where you sleep for hours on end. Because they are over for ever and your bladder is your worst enemy. I think I might wee about 299 times a day. And 1245 times a night. (It gets worse as the pregnancy goes on). My hubby loves me.

Myth four: You might get emotional.

I’m a very positive person so it was a total shock to the system to find that all of a sudden I was a leaky tap that cried on average two times a day. I mean for gods sake it wouldn’t take much and out came the tears again. I was literally an emotional wreck the whole of July and August. I know it was because I was going through lots of stressful yucky tests and the fear and the emotion of it all just totally over whelmed me but I honestly didn’t feel myself.. Usually I would be very good at putting a brave face on and just getting on with everything, especially at work, But I honestly had absolutely no control of my emotions during the first trimester. And for around two months I was just totally anxious, worried and on edge for the majority of every day.  Please tell me some of you were the same? I’m totally back to my usual self now and feel so much happier and like me again and I know it’s totally normal to have worries during the first trimester. My only advice would be to not bottle anything up and always find someone to talk to about how you are feeling. I would always feel SO much better after a hug and good chat over a (decaf) cuppa with Wayney/family or friends.

Myth five: You will have NO energy!

Oh how true this was for me. I guess this symptom totally coincides with tiredness but I honestly felt as though I was carrying an invisible kilogram of flour that was attached to my body and was dragging me down. I was tired ALL day every day and had absolutely zero energy.

The worst part about this was that my first trimester took place during filming of The wonderful Crystal Maze over the summer. I was based in Bristol for six weeks without my hubby and family (and during week 6-12 of my pregnancy which was beyond hard to deal with). Our filming schedule was intense to say the least and lots of the days we were filming two studio shows back to back, where I would get up around 5:30am and not finish till 10pm. If I’m being totally honest it was probably all too much to deal with whilst trying to be as good at my job as I possibly could be whilst coping with the stress and worries of the first trimester, the anxiety of being in hospital weekly, the horrible home sickness, feeling like total poo and the exhaustion from driving up and down the M4 twice a week was HARD. This is by no means a ‘feel sorry for me’ moment. I am so blessed to be in my situation,  but I just wish my first trimester could have been a little more relaxing. I’m planning to hopefully take it a lot more easy from my third trimester because right now I haven’t stopped. The thing is you can’t plan when you are going to fall pregnant and you can’t just give up your job and take three months off until you are through the other side. Life doesn’t work like that. So I just had to get through it day by day, and I’ll forever be grateful to my incredible hubby, family and work friends who were always so so kind, supportive and understanding to my situation throughout the summer.

Myth six: You will have vivid dreams.

So each and every night I basically produced, directed and cast a new Oscar worthy film whilst having interrupted sleep. My dreams were WILD, and oh so vivid. See you all at the premiere?

Myth seven: You have an increased sense of smell.

July. Heatwave. The Central Line. Say no more. I was not okay.

So there we have it, that was my July August and September summed up in 3000 words for you, and my goodness it’s been one hell of a ride.

If your still reading this I honestly cant thank you enough. This is the most personal post i’ve ever written and i’ve basically just poured my heart out to you all and totally and utterly word dumped. If you all enjoyed reading this I would love to be able to continue updating you all about my pregnancy as time goes on. Theres been a lot of new symptoms since September (Hi severe back ache yay). Plus there have been lots of amazing products I couldn’t live without. (Hi hot water bottle your my best friend in the world).

But for the majority, I am absolutely loving every second of the second trimester. It really is true what they say, it’s a total honeymoon period and I’m getting more and more excited by the second.

Please let me know if you would enjoy hearing more pregnancy updates from me? And for any mummies to be out there OMG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I would love to chat to you all and hear about your experiences and go through this journey together. Please drop me a message anytime!

Loads of love always,

Sammy and bump xxx

P.S All photos in this blog were taken in my second trimester. I did not get a camera out in the first trimester because I basically resembled SHREK. K Byeeee.

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If you enjoyed this, please read some of my other posts below.

A magical stay at The One & Only Royal Mirage!

The Dubai Diaries- top restaurants in the city of dreams!

A wonderful weekend at Soho Farmhouse!